miércoles, 14 de diciembre de 2011

The Walking Dead... I Love You

Let’s face it: Everyone likes The Walking Dead, despite liking it for different reasons. We also hate The Walking Dead, and we all hate it for the same reason:  You want to commit an act of genocide against the humans before the zombie apocalypse even begins. Before I nerd rage on the comic-book-turned-show, I’m going to warn you: hella spoilers. Don’t read if you want no spoilers up in your business. And with that disclaimer, I shall begin.
Just like America loves Hitler, America loves zombies. Walk into any book, comic, or electronics store, and you’ll find ten thousand items featuring either The Fuhrer or the animated dead. But since this piece is about walking corpses and not an asshat who forever ruined a perfectly good mustache style, let’s stick to zombies.

I’ll start off with the many reasons why we love the show. The show itself is extremely well done in terms of budgeting, storyline, and casting. The show is absolutely mind-blowing; I cannot believe I watched a zombie being cut open and dissected to see if it ate that clearly unintelligent little girl. I swear I didn’t hide under the blanket—much.
We’ve endured cheesy zombie flicks (The Return of the Living Dead), or good, but unrealistic flicks (Romero’s movies). The Walking Dead has brought something different for our viewing, something real–situations and people we can actually relate to. You’ve got kids, the abused wife, the crazy white woman, the jaded old man, the crazy redneck–it makes you feel that the zombie apocalypse can hit at anytime and you can be paired up with just about any type of person for survival.

The first season, which was much too short, ended on a weird note. Crazy scientist whispered something in the sheriff’s ear, and the look on the officer’s face showed more shock than when Hagrid told Harry, “You’re a wizard!” In the second season, Rick briefly mentioned that the scientist told him there was no cure. But who does Hollywood think it’s kidding? That’s not what he said. It’s something much more shocking than that, and we know the creators are sitting there laughing hysterically hoping we forget and they never have to come up with something to explain to us. Let’s call it the Lost syndrome.
But I  digress. The show definitely has characters that I see myself partnering up with in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Daryl (Norman Reedus), Glenn (Steven Yeun), and Dale (Jeffrey DeMunn), all have a good grasp of what’s going on, and aren’t clouded with constant emotional  conflict, irrationality, and ignorance. Although Daryl has a bit of a temper, he is the most intelligent and best trained of the group. I mean, c’mon, the man packs a goddamned crossbow.

Then there are the cast members that I’d love to see get swallowed whole. Both the kids, and parents, are idiots (really? Let your ten-year-old go out searching in a zombie-infested land for the other dumb kid? REALLY?), the little girl’s mom is much too emotionally unstable, and the whole Rick-Lori-Shane love triangle makes me want to load a gun and shoot them myself. Shane clearly has issues, and by almost raping Lori, makes me care little to nothing for him. Lori’s blatant cheating and dishonesty about the whole situation makes me realize why women are stupid. Rick, on the other hand, isn’t quite as stupid as the rest, but he needs to open his eyes a bit, as it is pretty obvious that Shane hasn’t been completely honest with him on anything. As a best friend, you don’t scoop your bud’s wife up after you think he’s dead and gone.

The worst of the three, however, is most definitely Andrea (Lorie Holden). At first I liked her because I’m a huge fan of the Silent Hill movie, and enjoyed her character thoroughly there. On this show however, I keep waiting for her to get killed. First of all, what was the point of her taking the gun in the bathroom trying to put it back together? What was she going to do, shoot the zombie? She would have gotten eaten by the other hundreds of zombies because the gunshot would have drawn their collective attention. She is completely irrational about, well, everything, and for some reason, Lori gave her a gun. At this point, I honestly wish Dale had shut his mouth and left her to die in the exploding CDC building. She’s all drama, and I hope for her and Shane to get eaten together somewhere in the woods and die happily ever after. 
So, I´m going to tell you all why you, and I love The Walking Dead: It pisses you off to no end because all the people on the show are so damn dim, and they call zombies “walkers” like they’ve never heard of “zombies” before. But watching dumbasses doing dumbass things on a   Sunday night makes you feel a wee bit better about yourself. Until you encounter that one episode that pisses you off so much that your brain implodes from the amount of rage your neurons fire into it.The Walking Dead… I love you.